


I’m disappointed

by literarybug94



Series: BTS 8th Member [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23044705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literarybug94/pseuds/literarybug94
Summary: Y/N has a secret boyfriend. Bighit scrambles for damage control. In the aftermath what happens?
Relationships: Bangtan Boys Ensemble/Original Character(s), Bangtan Boys Ensemble/Reader, Bangtan Boys Ensemble/You, Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Original Female Character(s)
Series: BTS 8th Member [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1519235
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	I’m disappointed

A/N: Sorry about my hiatus recently. For some reason my head isn't in the game. I hope all my readers stay healthy and safe. 

I had no idea the consequences that would occur from breaking the strict rules that BigHit had laid out for us, as Idols. If I had, I probably wouldn’t have found myself in this situation. I would have been more careful, more cautious. 

“Y/N!” I was woken on one of our day off’s by the voice of the oldest member of Bangtan – Seokjin. “Breakfast is ready!”

I groaned, rubbing my eyes against the sunlight before throwing the covers back and trudging to the kitchen. I was only in a pair of sleep wrinkled shorts and one of Yoongi’s shirts. 

“Aegi,” Seokjin cooed as I yawned and slipped into my seat. I grumbled as I let my eyes slide shut. 

“Tired, honey?” Jimin asked, putting food on my plate. I nodded.

“Mmh,” I pouted, stabbing at the fruit with my fork. 

“Since it’s our day off there will be time for napping,” Hoseok smiled at me. 

“Actually, about that,” I blocked out the conversation going on around me, just trying to make my jaw chew my food. 

“Princess?” Namjoon’s voice jarred me out of my thoughts. 

“Sorry,” I apologized, the fuzz still prevalent in my head. 

“We have to go to a meeting today. The managers said it was an emergency, doll,” Yoongi interjected. 

“Nuuu,” I whined. “Whhhyyy?”

“Y/N,” Seokjin warned. 

“Sweetheart, we don’t want to go either,” Taehyung sympathized with me. “But unfortunately, we do. You know the faster we get it over, the faster we can enjoy our time off.”

“Fine,” I grumbled. “BUT! I’m not getting all dolled up!”

Forty minutes later and I was glaring out the van window. I was dressed in proper clothes, courtesy of Jin and Hoseok. They refused to let me out of the dorm wearing only the stained joggers and one of Jimin’s shirts, paired with Jungkook’s jacket. I was still upset over that and was now refusing to talk to them. 

“Aegi,” Jin started to say, but pursed his lips at a look from Namjoon. 

“Baby, it’s okay,” Jimin whispered to me, interlacing our fingers together. I frowned at him. 

“But,” to everyone’s surprise tears were brimming in my eyes. It had been too long since we had time for ourselves and I was at the brink of my exhaustion. 

“Oh, baby,” Jimin cooed, pulling me into his embrace. As much as the seatbelts would allow. 

Shortly after my almost breakdown in the back of the van, we pulled up to BigHit’s building. The driver let us out by the back door, where we were ushered inside the door. Walking down the halls, we were strangely silent. 

This was supposed to be our brief hiatus from idol activities. They gave us a month off. Only two days in, and already we were back at the company building. I barely had time to enjoy my day yesterday. 

“Great,” Bang PD-nim greeted us as we walked into the meeting room. “Do you know why you are here?”

As we took our seats some of the guys said no, while I just shook my head. I was feeling uncomfortable with the way that the eyes of everyone seemed to be on me. 

“That’s funny. Y/N should know. You were dragged in because of her,” Hyungjin sneered. I shrank back, not certain why he was particularly acidic to me. 

“What?” Yoongi’s voice broke the silence that descended over the room. “I swear if you say one more word - ”

“Enough,” Bang PD said. “Hyungjin if I hear one more word come from you; I can ensure you will no longer be employed by BigHit. Y/N is one of our idols and deserves respect. However, he is correct.”

“But,” I wracked my brain trying to figure out why they would be calling an emergency meeting for me. 

“I thought we were like a family, Y/N-ah,” Bang PD looked and sounded disappointed. “I’ve always had an open-door policy with all of you.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand?” I finally spoke, feeling on the brink of a panic attack. 

“I ask so that things like the headlines this morning don’t happen!” He slammed his palm onto the top of the table. I jumped and curled in on myself. 

“We need to keep on top of the headlines, instead of scrambling to make a response,” Sejin’s calming voice interjected, cutting through the tension in the room. 

“What happened?” Namjoon asked, in full leader mode. 

“Are you dating Lee Jihoon?” Bang PD asked. I gasped; eyes wide as I looked up at the man who was my surrogate father. 

“How - ”

“So you are dating Lee Jihoon?” 

“I- I – I,” my breathing was becoming more erratic. 

“She’s having a panic attack,” I heard Jimin’s worried voice state before hands grabbed my face. “Breathe with me baby. In for 4, out for 4. Come on.”

“O – o – o – p -ah,” I panted, the familiar crushing weight in my lungs. It took a while, but finally, I was calm enough to carry on a conversation. 

“I’m disappointed,” Bang PD said, breaking the silence, my breath hitching. 

“Did you boys know?” Sejin asked the others. 

“No, sir,” Namjoon answered. 

“This is quite the stir. Pledis Entertainment has decided that they will not allow Y/N to be near Jihoon. This is a scandal they do not need. And quite frankly, neither do we!” Bang PD-nim stated. “This relationship cannot continue. As of today, you are not to associate with any members of the opposite sex unless they are Bangtan or TXT. Do you understand me, Y/N?”

“Yes,” I hung my head, feeling tears drip down my face. 

“I will not have to deal with another scandal coming from you,” Bang PD stated. “As of now, you are on probation. If I have to deal with another scandal, we will not resign you.”

“Sir, please,” Jin tried to weakly bargain on my behalf. 

“I don’t want to be harsh,” Bang PD said. “But this puts the entire group at jeopardy. Remember I am only doing what is good for all the members. Y/N-ah, don’t disappoint me again.” 

With that, the CEO and the other executives left the room, leaving only us. I started to cry in earnest as the guys filed out of the room one by one, without a comforting word. Except for Jimin who squeezed my shoulder before leaving me behind. 

I felt like a pariah in the following weeks. The others went to visit their families, not one extending an invitation for me to visit. Then from twitter I learned that they also went on trips – Jimin to Paris, Yoongi and Jin on a fishing excursion. I sent Jungkook a package for his birthday and cried when he didn’t acknowledge my present. 

I wasn’t allowed to communicate with anyone – BigHit was monitoring my texts and phone calls. Instead of getting the rest that I needed, I spent too much time practicing in the dance room and wallowing in the safety of my bed. Especially when the guys started trickling back into the dorm from their vacations. 

They didn’t say much to me, only when necessary. At first, I thought it was my imagination, but as they were sitting in the living room having a great conversation, as soon as they noticed my presence, they all went silent. I slunk into my room after whispering a good night to the others. 

Practice started again. Hobi was harsher on me than the others. Constantly yelling about tiny mistakes. I spent most of my time fending off panic attacks and breakdowns. Jimin noticed how much I was struggling and tried to comfort me, but it was hard for him to do. I didn’t want him to get in trouble over me. 

“Y/N-ah, you are already on thin ice!” The choreographer threatened. “If you don’t start shaping up in practice you will be on the chopping block!”

I gulped and promised him I’d do better. I did try to do better, but between my depression and ever-present exhaustion I had no idea how I managed to function. I didn’t take care of myself during the time that the guys were gone, let alone now that they were back. I was too scared to even show up during dinner, fearing that they wouldn’t have cooked for me. 

In reality, the guys were all scared of how wraithlike I had become. Jin always set an eighth place at the table and as the weeks went on they were becoming more concerned. Hoseok was particularly upset by the way that the teachers were using your status against you. He went to Namjoon who pursed his lips. 

They knew that Namjoon was mad at you for bringing a scandal onto the heads of BTS, but it was more the fact that Y/N didn’t trust any of them with the fact that she was seeing Woozi. Namjoon brought up the information he had to Bang PD who was feeling the remorse. He had seen Y/N walking down the halls and thought it was a ghost. 

But everything came to a head one night. Jin was worried when Y/N took longer than 45 minutes in the bathroom. He knocked on the door of the bathroom. After ten minutes of no response, Jin pounded on the door. 

“Y/N!” Jin’s fist pounded. “Y/N open this door! NOW!”

“Hyung?” Yoongi wandered out of his room, curious as to why Jin was screaming. “What’s wrong?”

“Y/N isn’t responding,” Jin said, to which Yoongi’s eyes widened. He had warned the others about her depression the other day, and started to ram the door with his shoulder. Jin did the same. 

“WHAT IS GOING ON?” Namjoon shouted just as the door flew open. Jin was quick to rush to the bathtub, only to see Y/N barely conscious with blood flowing down her wrists. 

“Joon call 119! NOW!” He screamed and took the towels Yoongi handed him. “Don’t close your eyes baby.”

“Y/N!” Jimin screamed, catching sight of the blood staining the tiles. Jin lifted her out of the bathtub with ease, worrying him. 

“Yoongi keep pressure on her wounds!” Jin commanded. “JOON!”

“They are on their way,” Joon whispered, stunned at the fact that their maknae was suicidal. 

“Keep the others in the living room,” Jin commanded. “Come on baby.”

“Doll, look at me. Look at me!” Yoongi yelled. She blinked her eyes as her head lulled. 

The paramedics rushed into the bathroom, quick to get her onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. Jin was the one who followed in the ambulance. The others called their manager who was quick in getting them to the hospital. 

When I opened my eyes, I felt disappointed. The room was empty, but I was alive. I thought for sure that if I died I could no longer bring disappointment to the group. But it seems as though this isn’t true. 

“Oh my god,” I heard a voice say before the owner of the voice hugged me. I breathed in deep, the scent of leather, mint, and stale coffee identifying the owner as Yoongi. 

“Yoongi-oppa,” I whispered. 

“If you ever do that to me again doll,” Yoongi pulled back enough to bop my nose before wrapping me up again. “Just talk to me. We love you too much to lose you.”

“I thought - ” I started to cry. 

“No, doll. It breaks my heart to see you cry,” Yoongi soothed, thumbs wiping at the tears falling down my face. 

“Yoongi,” I sucked in a breath. “I thought you all hated me!”

“Never, baby,” Jin’s voice joined in the din. 

“Never,” Taehyung smiled at me as he popped into my view. 

“We were trying to give you space, honey,” Hoseok said next. “We knew that you were going through a lot. None of us meant to hurt you.”

“I felt alone. Like everyone was mad at me for what happened.”

“We could never be mad at you for love,” Jimin wrapped a hand around my ankle. 

“Indeed, we couldn’t,” Namjoon’s deep voice interjected. “That’s why I brought you a visitor.”

“Jihoon!” I gasped. He smiled at me, pressing a kiss to my forehead. 

“I’m really sorry we can’t be together.” Jihoon whispered. “Maybe in a bit, but right now we aren’t stable enough.”

“I understand,” I whispered. “And I don’t think I’m ready yet for a serious relationship.”

“I agree. Get better. Get help,” Jihoon smiled at me. “Here.” He handed me a necklace. “I won’t forget you and if we are both available in a few years maybe we can rekindle.”

With one last kiss to my lips Jihoon left the room. I stared, agape at his departure. Jin put the necklace around my neck with a bittersweet smile just as the doctor came in. Once he provided my treatment plan, he left only for Bang PD to enter. After apologizing for the harsh words, we were put onto a temporary hiatus until I was more mentally ready to deal with everything.


End file.
